I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The power of my boobs compel you
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
