my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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