That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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