how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
