I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
