Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
this just has baby written all over it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
