speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
