i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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