she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
