At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
