Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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