I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
