What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
