just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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