halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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