Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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