using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
