she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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