hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
