I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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