It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
