Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
