Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
