Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
