He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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