JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
