before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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