Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
