benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
