How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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