Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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