Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
