my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
