I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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