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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
