Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
