Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
