I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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