My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
