Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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