I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
