did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
