Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
