She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
