mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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