We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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