Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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