A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
