Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
