2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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